Narci's Journey

“Cas?” Sam was gawking at him, mouth open, eyes wide, “Castiel is that you?”
Cas blushed, or rather his vessel did, the human body he inhabited outwardly displaying the emotions he was still so unused to having. “Yes it’s me Sam.” He was embarrassed for so many reasons, for his plan blowing up in his face just like Dean said it would, for needed their help to correct his mistakes, and because Sam was staring at him.
“But what… how are you… what is… you’re a GIRL?” Sam stumbled over his words, his voice was thick with confusion, with concern, but it was thankfully lacking the ridicule that Cas had feared it would. He blushed again as he realized that Dean probably wouldn’t be as kind. Sam stopped trying to get the words out and swallowed hard. He turned around slowly, hands running through his hair, until he came about full circle and looked at Castiel again. “You’re alive.” Sam’s face broke into a smile, slowly and hesitantly, but it was still a smile. “That’s all that matters.”
Sam meant it, Cas knew he did, Sam would accept him for all of his oddities and his flaws for the same reason he had forgiven Cas when Dean could not. Sam understood what it was like to fall from grace, to be an abomination and apparently Castiel setting himself up as a false god and coming back to life afterward as a woman wasn’t enough to stop Sam from accepting him. Cas blushed again, his vessel reacting to the feelings of unworthiness boiling up inside of him. He had almost destroyed the entire Earth, he had ignored the warnings of the Winchesters and worst of all he had gone against his Father.
Yet even now he was being forgiven. The brothers had saved the planet, Sam at least had forgiven him for what he had done, and God had not only brought him back to life but forgave him as well. His vessel’s eyes began to tear up in response to his shame and he saw Sam’s great bulk through a film of moisture as he choked out a hurried “Thank you.”
*
Sam was sitting on the steps outside of the door of the motel room he and his brother had rented, staring at cracks in the concrete, and trying to figure out what they were supposed to do now that this whole leviathan mess was over. Without Bobby, who had been more like a father than a friend and fellow hunter, and Castiel the angel that had been a constant fixture in their lives for the past four years, his brother Dean was a mess. The promise of vengeance, and the preoccupation of the hunt had kept Dean from wallowing in the despair that Sam knew he felt, but now the leviathan were gone. Dean hadn’t gotten his revenge after all, those damn things were too hard to kill, and in the end Crowley, of all people, had helped them throw the beasts back into purgatory.
Now Sam sat there waiting for Dean to hit his breaking point. Their family was dead and gone, their revenge thwarted, and their only ally was the king of Hell. He heard the footsteps before they were anywhere near him, but it wasn’t Dean’s heavy footed gait that made the sound, so he kept his head down and his eyes on a patch of weeds growing on the curb.
The feet that obscured his view of the dandelions on the curb were small and feminine in a pair of black oxford dress shoes. He raised his head ever so slightly to take in the rest of the woman in front of him. Shapely legs clad in navy hose, a skirt of the same color that began just above her small knees, and a rumpled white shirt and tie above that. Over her right arm were a blue suit jacket and a tan trench coat. Sam’s eyes widened and he stood to better see her. She was short and the top of her head, with its long messy dark hair, only came to his shoulder. Her skin was olive and her eyes were a familiar ice blue.
“Sam?” The voice was the same, if a tad higher in pitch, a bit more feminine, but it was still the same. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing, but there was no way it could have been anyone else, so he had asked.
“Cas?” And it was him, Castiel, his friend, his family, the answer to the question he had been so hopelessly pondering. He was a girl. Castiel was a girl. But he was still Cas, and so Sam accepted it because that was what Cas had done when Sam had started the apocalypse and drank demon blood and felt completely unforgivable.
And when he saw the tears in the eyes of the strange, yet familiar, woman that was now Castiel, when he heard the emotion in his (her?) voice he did the only thing he could. He moved forward and wrapped his arms around the crying angel.
*
Castiel stiffened as Sam’s arms surrounded him. Hugging was a new concept for the angel, even his time as an almost human had not found him accustomed with human displays of affection. After a few seconds he found himself relaxing as his vessel’s natural reaction to the embrace kicked in. Sam’s body was warm and his arms were solid; Castiel found his head resting on Sam’s chest due to his reduced height. The rhythm of Sam’s breathing was soothing and Cas realized how much he had missed this; missed being human, missed being cared for.
The moment passed and the two drew apart. “Dean’s inside,” Sam said, “He’ll want to see you.” Cas nodded, and moved toward the door only to be stopped by Sam’s hand on his arm. Had it always been that big? Suddenly Castiel felt fragile in comparison to the human, his face flushed and an emotion he couldn’t place made his stomach flip flop. Sam looked him in the eye, the ‘sad puppy face’, as Dean referred to it, firmly in place. “He might not react too well to,” he gestured to Castiel’s new body, “the way you’ve changed. At first anyway, just, give him some time okay?”
Castiel nodded, “Okay.”
“And Cas?”
“Yes?”
“Don’t take him too seriously, alright? He doesn’t try to be a dick, but sometimes, well, you know how Dean is.”
Castiel nodded and braced himself inwardly as he opened the door. Sam never forgot that words hurt, he’d spent years trying to build up a resistance to Dean’s biting remarks and even now Castiel knew that one word from his brother could still send Sam into an emotional tailspin. Dean however didn’t seem to understand just how badly the things he said could hurt others, and he spoke with a deliberate frankness that hurt almost as much as it helped. He especially seemed to forget that Castiel had feelings, or at least he did now, thanks to Dean and all of his “free will or die” talk.
*
It was going to be bad. Dean was going to freak out and he was going to direct all of his discomfort and frustration onto Castiel. Sam still knew his brother that well at least. Poor Cas, Sam knew the angel was more sensitive than he let on, especially when it came to Dean. Dean was the first friend that Castiel had ever really had, and Dean was the first person to ever ask Cas what he wanted out of his life. Sam remembered how he had worshipped his big brother as a kid and he recognized that same look in Cas’s eyes when they looked at Dean. He’d also seen the same hurt in them when Dean had admonished Castiel’s plan to win Heaven’s civil war, the same disappointment of having Dean see him as a child instead of an adult, and the same shame at letting Dean down after going against his advice. It was going to be really bad.
And it was, from the moment Cas walked in the room and got Dean’s attention things went south. At first Dean didn’t recognize him, which Sam could tell was both a blow and a momentary relief to Castiel. Then he did recognize him, and things really went wrong, there was a lot of confusion and questions and then somehow the yelling started. All it took to get Dean to yell was a stressful situation and someone to say “Calm down,” before he would start.
“I AM CALM SAM! WHAT PART OF THIS DOESN’T SEEM CALM TO YOU!”
“How about the part where you’re completely flipping out at Cas, huh Dean? Does that seem calm to you?”
“HE’S A FUCKING CHICK SAM. JESUS, DOESN’T THIS WEIRD YOU OUT AT ALL?”
“Of course it does, I mean, it’s a little weird, yeah, but it’s still Cas.” Sam signed, “I mean hell Dean, it’s not like he’s doing this to try and jack you off or anything. “
Sam’s brother sat down on the edge of the motel room bed and ran his hand over his face. Sam knew Dean didn’t mean to come off as harsh as he did; Dean was the glue that held everyone he knew together and in the process he had himself come completely undone. He could see the veins in his brother’s neck pop as he strained to regain his composure, and he saw how his brother glanced longingly at the bottle of Jameson when he removed his hand from his face.
But Sam idolized Dean for a reason, and once again his brother put them before himself and he turned away from the bottle on the kitchenette and focused his gaze on the woman who was now Castiel. “I didn’t mean to freak out Cas. But God this is some freaky shit.” Sam smiled to himself, Dean’s apologies were always a bit, unorthodox.
“It’s a new vessel,” Cas said in his slow serious drawl, “Jimmy was destroyed by the leviathan and refused to be resurrected again, it was time for his reward and he stayed in heaven.”
“So who are you wearing now?” Dean asked, his tone was sarcastic but not as accusatory as it had been.
“His cousin,” Cas sighed, “Apparently he doesn’t have much of a family, and the family he does have isn’t particularly pious; with the exception of his cousin Jen, whom I’m ‘wearing’, as you so eloquently put it.”
“Why didn’t you switch to her back when Jimmy ran away before?” Sam asked, it seemed to him that would have been a simpler solution than Castiel’s previous strategy of possessing the man’s daughter in order to black mail him into accepting a life as Cas’s vessel.
“I thought perhaps this body would make you uncomfortable,” Cas sighed in a very un-angel like way, “It seems that I was correct about that.”
It did make Sam uncomfortable; Castiel’s new vessel was attractive in a cute sort of way and Sam didn’t feel right acknowledging that when Cas was the person inside. Cas was still Cas, even if his body was female, it was still Castiel inside. Right?
*
The tense reunion with Dean had ended, and after being doused in holy water, Dean had embraced him and even apologized, sort of. But the hug from Dean wasn’t like the hug from Sam. Sam’s embrace had been tender where Dean’s had been a short, squeeze you tight, and then pat you on the back, manly sort of hug. Dean’s hug had been just like every other hug he’d had with the hunter before, but Sam had never acted so gentle with him.
Castiel wondered if it was because his body was female instead of male and blushed when he realized the implications of such a thing. He was inexperienced but he knew how men treated women differently when they had certain notions about them. He’d always been fond of Sam, it was different from the way he was fond of Dean, but he was not sure if that fondness constituted the sort of feelings that pizza men felt for baby sitters.
Cas sat on the bed that Dean wasn’t on and unsuccessfully stifled a yawn. Sam and Dean had almost identical looks of confusion on their faces as they turned in a perfect synchronization to stare at him. “Did you just yawn?” Sam asked.
“Yes.”
“I thought angels didn’t get tired.” Dean interjected.
“Angels don’t need sleep because of the energy their vessels receive from their grace. However,” Castiel continued in his girlish voice, “if an angel has fallen from grace, or their grace is lost or diminished then their vessel would require all of the rest and nourishment of a normal human. Or close to it. Remember Anna? She wasn’t completely human, she was an angel in a vessel technically, and do you remember when we were trying to stop the apocalypse?”
“You fell asleep in the Impala,” Sam said quietly.
“Exactly, my grace was leaving me due to my extended stay on Earth and my disobedience, making me essentially human. The same thing is happening now.” Cas stated matter of factly.
“You lost your grace?” Sam asked incredulously.
“Essentially, yes.”
“Makes sense to me.” Dean mumbled as he rose from the bed.
“What?” Sam stared at his brother and Castiel could feel the impending argument the same way he could feel electricity in the air before a lightning strike. “How could you say something like that?”
“What Sammy? I’m not trying to be mean or anything. Sorry Cas,” He shot a glance at the woman on the bed, “But let’s be honest here, you teamed up with the king of Hell, opened purgatory, ate a bunch of monster souls, and then pretended to be God. We passed up your run of the mill AWOL angel disobedience a while back.”
Castiel nodded slowly as Dean recounted his transgressions. He knew that he deserved to be punished, that he deserved much worse than losing his grace, but Sam didn’t seem to share that sentiment.
*
Sam wanted to hit his brother over the head with the bottle he had glued to his lips. He was talking about Castiel as if no one had ever made a mistake before. Their friend was alive and he was judging him. Instead of being upset that Cas had lost his grace, instead of being empathetic to Castiel’s loss he was empathizing with the holy big wigs that had demoted Cas to human. Sam put up with a lot of crap from Dean, especially since Bobby and Cas had died, but now Cas was back and Sam was sick of dealing with Dean’s smart ass remarks.
“What the fuck Dean?”
“What the fuck Dean, what?”
“Don’t act like Cas is the only person who ever made a mistake, ok? We’ve all fucked up here, or did you forget that you broke the first seal?”
“Excuse me Sam?”
“Don’t act like Cas is the only guilty person in this room Dean!”
“I’m not Sam.” Dean’s voice was not raised, or even harsh. “I know what I’ve done. Just like Cas knows what he did. “The Jameson bottle now empty, Dean picked up his flask and shook it, satisfied that it was full enough he tucked it into his worn leather jacket. “I’m going out for a drink, don’t wait up.”
With that Dean left the motel and left Sam still standing in the middle of the room anger replaced by a sense that he had wrongly accused his older brother. Sam hated that while it always seemed like Dean judged everyone unfairly it was really him that got it wrong while Dean was usually dead on. For all of his brother’s harsh words and abrasive personality Sam knew that he was actually a much better person that most, and sometimes, Sam thought, that included him as well. It wasn’t enough that Dean was always right while Sam seemed to constantly make the wrong choices, he also had to be a constant reminder that there was something inside Sam that was wrong. It didn’t matter that Azaezel was dead or that he didn’t use his psychic mojo anymore because Sam knew that deep down a part of him was still that person. You could stop drinking demon blood, but you simply couldn’t get rid of your own.
“Poor Sammy.” Where Dean had been moments before now sat Lucifer, or a hallucination of him, Sam could never keep it straight in his head, “Your big brother is still a better person than you. Even jumping into the pit couldn’t quite reform you could it.”
“Shut up.”
“Sam?” Castiel got up off of the bed and moved toward the hunter.
“Oh Sam, really, let’s not start that again. We should get back to the issue at hand. After all of this time you’re still doubting your big brother, even after all of the trouble you caused by not listening to him. Starting the apocalypse, saying yes, I mean you couldn’t even over power me without him holding your hand. I’m ashamed to say Sammy; it seems he’s just a higher quality of man than you could ever be.”
“SHUT UP!”
*
“SAM!” Cas shook his arm violently trying to snap Sam back to reality. He’d been standing there in the aftermath of his fight with Dean when he’d suddenly just begun staring at nothing. His eyes were fixed on some person or vision that Castiel couldn’t see, and then he’d begun to talk. Then he started shaking his head as if he was hearing someone else say terrible things, and then he’d raised his voice even louder than he had with Dean. He’d kept yelling too, saying “shut up” over and over again. His face was red and his hands were clenched. “Sam, calm down.”
Sam’s eyes closed slowly and he began to shake his head as if to clear it of a certain thought. He allowed Cas to lead him to a chair by the small table and sat down heavily, hands still clenched. When he opened his eyes he immediately glanced in the direction he’d been staring so intensely at, and shut them again quickly. A moment passed and he didn’t open his eyes, instead he un-balled his fists and pressed his hands to his ears and murmured, “Shut up, oh God please just go away.” It was barely a whisper, more of a prayer than anything, and it scared Cas terribly.
“Sam,” Cas called the man’s name gently and knelt in front of him as Sam bent to rest his head near his knees. “Sam, who do you want to go away? Sam? What’s wrong?”
“Make him go away Cas,” the younger Winchester sounded close to tears, “He won’t leave me alone.”
“Who won’t leave you alone Sam?”
“He never stops talking. Day and night, he’s always there, whispering such awful things.” Sam’s voice broke into a whimper and he pressed his hands more tightly against his head.
Castiel’s stomach dropped as he realized what was happening. His small hands grasped either side of Sam’s face as he forced Sam to look him in the eye. “Sam can you see Lucifer? Is he talking to you.”
“Yes, he never STOPS Cas.” Sam’s eyes were wild with fear and Cas noticed how dark the circles under them were, as if he hadn’t had a real night’s rest in weeks. “It’s been months and he hasn’t stopped. He just keeps talking, day and night, and I can’t take it anymore Cas! I just… can’t take it anymore…” He slumped back down in his chair, pulling his face from Castiel’s grip and resting it in his own. “I’m so tired.”
Castiel didn’t know what to do, so he did what Sam had and wrapped his arms around him. His vessel’s arms weren’t able to reach all the way around the hunched man, but his grip was tight and warm. A minute passed and he felt Sam relax in his arms, a slight shudder went through them and Castiel suspected Sam was trying to suppress a sob. He tried to be strong in front of Dean, Cas knew, because he didn’t want Dean to worry about him. But Cas also knew how much harder that made things on Sam, just like it had made things harder for him.

*
In Castiel’s embrace Lucifer’s taunting grew quieter and quieter until Sam couldn’t hear the jibes and venomous remarks that hadn’t stopped in almost a year. Unable to contain himself Sam let out a sob of relief before regaining control of his body and emotions.

As I sit here tonight I find myself deep in thought over my greatest mistake in life. It isn't a lost love. It isn't losing my virginity, or doing drugs. It isn't as trivial as cutting myself or anything else I can think of. It might not even be categorized as a mistake. Maybe it was an outright sin? A murder even.

I know it is my fault. No one else can take the blame for this and it weighs heavily on my soul. I have never talked about it. Never admitted to it. And even though I am forgiven, sometimes I feel the shame of what I am responsible for in the end.

If you knew your friends brake lines were cut and you let them drive would not the resulting accident be your fault? If you knew your allergic friend was about to eat a peanut butter cookie and said nothing would not the reaction be your fault? If you saw a child getting molested and kept it to yourself would not the prolonging of it weigh on you?

If you waited to tell your friend about Jesus too long and they went to Hell isn't their soul on your shoulders?

I can never be sorry enough for this. I can never make this right. Without Jesus I would surely be damned.

Life is a cobblestone path. You spend your whole life tripping up and slipping up.

Chapter One

So, one day there was a boy walking down the street in a purple dress. and as he was walking, a big burly hillbilly came up to him and yelled "FAGGOT!!" ... Then he got shot and died.
THE END but that wasnt the end...
he rose up from the ground unharmed, for he was wearing a bullet proof vest.
he soon began eating the heads of little children... And got shot by a nearby police officer and died. Again. Then the police officer shot himself, because he was also a faggot. but then he came back as a zombie! And got his head cut off, but then the god was so generous that brought him back as human..... a human who was only a cannibal and snatched Sakony up and locked him in his basement along with other little children so that he may feast on his flesh... mean while his mother was frantically looking for her purple dress, for she was getting picked up in an hour for a HOT date.... But the date stood her up for her son as he climbed in the basement to scare the shit out of her. :P the boy and the man have always had a fling behind the mothers back. they fell in love. falling in love was not part of their original plan.
the man and the guy were both secretly homosexuals. the guy dating the mother was only doing it to prevent others from discovering that he was gay and fancied young boys... The boy was seriously conflicted over his relationship with the man his mother dated. This led to psychological issues such as dress wearing, homosexual identity and eventually serious cocaine use. (He had been on his way to score at the begining of the story.) after leaving the basement with the man, whose name is pedro, they continued on their way to get some cocaine and a snickers from the corner store located in ghetto next to the cut from which they were already going to get the coke... Then the boy looked at the man and the man said "Lets get it in the cut" The boy was scared but he said "word" because he didnt want to piss pedro off. When they were in the cut Pedro told the boy (who's name was Alfonso) to bend it over and close his eyes. Alfonso grabbed Pedro's hands and looked him in the eyes. he was waiting for the perfect time to eat his prey. Alfonso's cannibalistic urges couldnt be ignored anymore. at just the right moment Alfonso sank his chompers deep into Pedros jugular. Pedro then fell to the ground stunned at what his lover had done to him and in a great deal of pain. Alfonso eagerly began to feast on Pedros body... Not only had Alfonso found a nice carnivorous substitute for Snickers but he had stopped the horrible molestation that had befallen him for years. Picking a fingernail out of his teeth he grabbed the coke off of Pedros corpse and walked out of the cut, wondering what he should do with his life. while in deep ponder of his life he thought about Pedro and how gnarly his carcass was. after an image of Pedros gnarly carcass flashed into his head he thought it was about time to break out the coke and snort a line to make the journey to his friend Jew Master's house easier. his friend is of course jewish and has always gone by Jew Master. Jew Master embraced his jewy-ness.... Jew Master was a beast at DnD and even had a twenty sided dreidel. Now that he was all hopped up on coke he decided that he would have JM spin to decide what he would do with his life. But first to go to the bakery and buy JM his favorite cake. Alfonso and JM bought the cake and headed straight for the park. they sat down and spun the dreidel. odds Alphonso will spend his life at sea as a slave to the flying dutchman and evens he will take up guitar and become a rockstar. the number they landed on was.... ‎... "1.5? JM why is that option even on this? I thought it was twenty sided?" said Alfonso. JM shurgged, "Its a dreidel man, they do what they do." ALfonso didn't know what to do, so he decided to become a sailor on a metal concert cruise ship. on this cruise ship full of metally music, Alfonso had a hankering for some human flesh. so he went and looked for the most juicy looking bitch on the whole damn ship. when he found this scrumptious looking broad he couldnt find himself to eat her. he instead asked her out for an evening of festivities... Now that he was no longer being abused he was no longer a faggot. But he still wore dresses. He went and talked to his new friend Nikki Sixx about what he should wear on his date. Nikki Sixx suggested that he wear something with animal print because as everyone knows every bimbo likes animal print. so he went to the gift shop and bought a form fitting cheetah print dress. this dress really showed off his lanky-ness and chicken legs in such a tasteful manner... Alfonso was worried that he would get shut down because bimbos like suits but he took Nikki's advice anyway. They met at the bar and she bought him drinks because he was young. It turned out that she was an accomplished porn star and thought his dresses were hot because porn stars are weirdos like that. as soon as she told him that he remembered back two years to a porno he saw. he knew her ass looked familiar and now he knows where he saw it before. in excitement he jumped up and screeched like the fourteen year old boy he is... He asked her if she would like to take a dip in the pool while eating shrimp cocktails. She said yes but only if he would sing to her. So he did, "Never gonna give you up! Never gonna let you down! Never gonna run around and desert you! Never make you cry never gonna say goodbye! Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you!" She was very smitten with the song. Further more a producer standing around on the deck heard him and thought he was a great singer. and right then and there offered to fund and produce his first album. Alfonso, all giddy and hyped, said yes right away. the ship docked in Norway where they found him a band and began to record his first album. two months had passed and the album was finally done. the band was officially named "The Septic Shit" and the album was named "What are you going to do when your colon is mad at you?" the record went quadruple platinum and their hit song "Cry Me a River of Diarrhea" was number one on the charts three weeks in a row... His porn star girlfriend and him decided to move to Rotterdam and go steady. He bought himself a fancy silk evening gown and they went out on the town. While clubbing he got really drunk on some Four Loko and went on a drunk rampage that lasted 3 days because he was so hyped up that he couldnt sleep. when he finally crashed he fell asleep for two days when he woke he noticed that he was in a wedding dress and was laying next to his porn star girlfriend who was in a tux and had a ring on her finger. in confusion and regret he decided to eat the problem. he didnt want to be tied down he was only fourteen. he had a career a head of him and he didnt want to limit himself to one bitch. he wanted all the bitches in the world. so he began eating his bride.... She woke up partway through screaming. He was freaked out by this so he left her there and ran away to his old neighborhood. When he walked through his front door his mother was making tuna helper. She smiled and got him a pepsi.
Chapter 2

While enjoying the refreshing crisp taste of the pepsi, he started to think about cocaine. so after finishing the pepsi he went frolicked on down to the sketchy cut in the ghetto. when he arrived there he bumped into Rockso the Rock n' Roll Clown, who was also there to buy sweet sweet cocaine. Rockso was in awe. He was a big fan of The Septic Shit and offered to buy Alfonso some cocaine.... Alfonso accepted happily and invited Rockso back to his house to eat the sweet sweet tuna helper. Rockso also accepted and together they walked to Alfonso's house to meet his mum and ravage the tuna. the tuna helper was magnificent. they took their plates into the kitchen and scampered up stairs to Alfonsos room where they sat and played the new Call of Duty all jacked up on coke until the break of dawn.... Then Rockso pulled out some crystal meth and asked him if he wanted to play dead rising 2. Alfonso wasnt so sure if it was a good idea so he called Jew Master to ask him what he thought on the matter. Jew Master wasnt big into drugs, he only did crystal meth once, for nine years. so he said that if he wanted to then he should give it a shot. but he also suggested that to make sure it is good and not laced to have a person that has done it before try it out.
Alfonso then responded by asking Jew Master would ever be so kind to try it out.

Jew Master trying hard not to sound to eager said "anything for you best friend." *greedily rubbing his hands together*

so JM bamboozling ass rushed on over to Alfonso's crib to get himself some free crystal meth... Twenty minutes later they were uber fucked up and playing a zombie game. Alfonso then began to think zombies were real. They all did. Suddenly they knew, the apocalypse had begun. THey grabbed some shotguns and jumped the old lady next doors fence. and busted down the elderly womans door. the womans husband was making love to her. Alfonso, JM, and Rockso saw the man on top of the woman and loaded their shot guns and prepared to kill the husband. for they were convinced he was trying to eat her brains. they killed the husband. the old lady in a fit of rage grabbed her cane and charged towards the youngsters and clown.... After a severe beating on Rockso; Alfonso and JM decided she must also be a zombie so they shot her. All of this was very disturbing to Alfonso who vowed never to eat a human again. Alfonso broke down and began to cry. JM being the good friend he is, he hugged his bestfriend and told him that all was okay and comforted him until the tears stopped. two days later. Alfonso and JM sobered up. and Afonso got a call from the record company, telling him about the band his band will be opening for on tour.... ALfonso was pretty pissed when he heard he would be opening for Justin Beiber. He grabbed his sawed off shotgun and headed to the train station. JM decided to go with him because he wasnt getting enough story time. And he hated justin beiber for his straight non-jew like hair. after they had boarded the train and suffered through a long train ride they were met by Justin Beiber and his crew of midgets. Justin was not pleased to have The Septic Shit as his opening act because he knew that his trendy hair, black guy dance moves, and hip music wouldnt compared to the beautiful sounds of The Septic Shit.... He was really surprised whenever JM grabbed the shotgun and shot beiber in the nuts. JM was hauled off by the cops before he could get another shot in. Unluckily for everone the injury gave the beiber a permanantly squeaky voice. Thus Justin Beiber avoided puberty.
Alfonso found it impossible to tour with someone with a voice as high pitched as Justins. so for the bands best interest he cancelled the tour.

Chapter 3

The Septic Shit booked time in the recording studio so they could produce their deluxe Christmas album, "Left Out In The Shit Alone"
Santa Claus got wind of the Christmas album and bought it since many kids were asking for it on their list. He was appalled and decided he was going to bring Alfonso to the north pole to answer for his talented but disturbing album. Alfonso had no idea of the Christmas Being that was about to appear at his front door. So as he watched TV, the knock surprised him. "Who could inturrupt my Jersy Shore time?!?" he yelled in a distasteful tone. JM, who was for some reason also in the room, replied "You dont even like the show!" Alfonso glared. "That's not the point!" Alfonso and his Jew friend were ever so surprised as they saw old fat santa clause. Alfonso was stuffed in a bag as JM was beat in the head with a hammer and placed in a bag full of aids infest heroine needles. They were finally released from the bags and Alfonso observed the old fat mans polluting factory that was ran by short people in skimpy whore get up. Although there were piles of white stuff all around, he could surely say it was not snow but a cocaine underground market. 'this must be where Rockso gets his awesome shit.' he thought to himself. in excitement JM and Alfonso began to run towards the cocaine covered ground, but they ran into a squeaky voiced little elf.
"JUSTIN! WHAT THE FUCK!?" Alfonso shrieked..... Justin Beiber was dressed as a vegas hooker, his career having failed due to lack of a disco stick, and was running right at them screaming about the cops letting JM out of jail. ALfonso hid in a cocaine drift as JM screamed back about how being a pop star didn't make you a REAL celebrity. Santa was feeling impatient so he drop kicked Beiber. The two stopped running at the site of this. Well, they were more so forced to. See, when a man the size of santa leaps in the air to dropkick someone, there are unbelievable consequences. Santa hit the ground hard, causing a small earthquake. This started to shake the very core of the earth, awakening an evil so strong... no mortal man has been said to survive its rage. Janice Dickinson rose from the earth covered leaches and a green face mask. she held beside her a camera and screamed a shriek that would make the tank run away in fear. Slaliva and a tampon dropped from this fuming angered bitch who was interrupted from her beautifying spa due to big ass santas cause of a earth quake. Janice strutted over to the youngsters who ignored the earth quake and were rolling around in the cocaine. She suggested that they all head over to the cut in the North Pole. The coldest of all cuts, the sketchiest of all cuts, the cuttiest of all cuts! she suggested this because she was in dire need of diet pills.
In the North Pole diet pills are an illegal substance..... Back in the cut they shivered, from the cold, from too much cocaine, from many things but mostly from dread. Alfonso, JM, Santa, and Janice walked until none of the law enforcement midgets could see them. Santa was always good for a few diet pills and he appeased the evil supermodel who disappeared in a puff of smoke. Santa had not forgotten his anger but Alfonso convinced him it was not their metal that was evil but that it was rave music and the whole retarded scene that was to blame for contaminating the minds of children. They piled into the sleigh and went to wage war. The sleigh took off into the sky. Santa smiled at the boys. "Thank you for opening my eyes to the errors of my ways. That rave music, it is a poison. it must be stopped!" Alfonso and JM nodded in agreement. The Sleigh flew faster, beginning to pass over a winter's rave. Why the rave took place outdoors was a concept none of the three could wrap their heads around. "Alright gentlemen, its time for war." Santa yelled as the sleigh began to descend upon the ravers. ‎"TO WAR!!!!" they all screamed as they dropped from the sleigh into the crowd of ravers.
Santa reached into his bag of gifts and threw them lightsabers. They began to brutally murder hundreds of ravers. slicing them with the sabers. Now Santa went straight for the DJ... Alfonso couldn't believe his eyes, Pauly D from the Jersey Shore was DJing. Santa cut his way through teenage sluts, the practically ran into his lightsaber rolling on E. Fake fur flew everywhere, leg warmers slashed to pieces, candi broke and beads rolled to the floor, ravers slipping on them and busting their elbows on the floor. His way was blocked by a whale in a tube top covered in tasteless UV paint penises. SNOOKI... Santa stopped at the sight of this size of a woman. AT first, he wasn't sure what he was feeling. but then he figured it out. It was...love. See, Mrs. Clause had died years earlier due to a Black Tar Heroine addiction. See, Blitzen was always on something, and Black Tar Heroine was the worst of it all. One time he was so gone that he thought the old lady was a female reindeer. This didn't end well for either member, as both died in the process of making sweet love. As Santa approached "The Snooki" she turned to face him. Her blubber colored eyes were like two fried diamonds. He was indeed in love. As he stepped close to talk to her however, she lunged at him, clawing at his face and eyes. When it was over, Santa was dead. And only the two boys were left to fight this monstrosity. Alfonso and JM stood back to back in the sea of ravers. sabers clenched tightly. their stomachs dropped but they knew what they had to do. it was their destiny, it was up to them to save the world. the dreidel lead them here, they knew this was what the dreidel had in store for them. the brave boys began to yell as they ran through the crowd slicing and dicing every raver in sight... When they came to Snooki their stomaches dropped but they remembered Santa, brave brave santa, and they knew that they had to avenge him. Never again would there be a Nintendo 64 kid, never again would that joy be brought forth, Alfonso lunged at her sinking his saber deep into her folds of fat. (JM was less enthusiastic as he was jewish and didn't give a SHIT about Christmas) Snooki fell with a savage roar of defeat. Pauly D had already died of fright, shitting himself in the process. And the ravers, the few who were still left, gave up the glow sticks and braclets and ran off into the distance. But then came a sound, a deafening sound. The ground quaked, the trees being shook out of the ground, toppling over to the ground. The DJ table that PaulyD was using began to shift and transform. It became a massive bear robot! A man walked out from behind its foot. He leaned against it. He was in all black, a trench coat and all. A giant bear mask sat on top of where his head should be. He talked, his voice loud and robotic. "Children, do you not see what you have done? You have mearly enraged the true Rave master here. You think that idiot PaulyD could handle a party of this size? NO! Foolish children, your arrogance will be your undoing!" He hopped in his robot and kicked on the boosters, the smoke filling the stage where the table once was. "See you in the next chapter!" He yelled as he blasted off into space.

So right now everything seems to be going well in my life. Well enough anyway.

I have a great school schedule. Great friends. My work schedule is allowing me to enjoy my birthday with my friends, who have remembered it for the first time in years, and I should be ecstatic.

Mostly I feel like taking a nap.

I felt like updating but I'm not sure what to say. I'm looking forward to Saturday, I'm going bowling (even though I don' t like bowling I'm sure it will be fun as long as it is only one game). I might also get a tattoo on my left ankle to match the one on my right. Its gonna be the Jedi Order Logo. Pretty beasty right? Makes me think of the novel I just read. I think its a pretty important tattoo for me.

Tbh I know I'm super lame for being such a Star Wars nerd. Truth is its more than just a weird geeky hobby, its like a HUGE chunk of my life. Like it influences a lot of my financial decisions, my work schedule, my future plans and the people I talk to. Be assured that if you don't like Star Wars I probably don't care about most of what you say. If you want to go out during the new Clone Wars episode you are getting turned down and if you think I should put my extra $20 into a savings account instead of buying another comic than you obviously have your priorities messed up.

People joke about me liking it too much and I joke too but tbh its more than that. Its not just a collection, its not just a cool movie, its like something that makes me think, its an escape from reality, its more interesting and in depth than any other science fiction series out there. Its a big fucking deal.

And right now I'm having a really good Star Wars time. I have money which means new comics, new toys, new books, and then the Clone Wars is in full swing again. But somehow that is bringing me down because its bringing me up. Like if people knew how much a galaxy far far away meant to me they would laugh, or think I was batshit crazy. And I wouldn't care.

Am I addicted? Yea. Will I ever stop? No. Would I consider this a potential problem? Maybe. Do I care? No.

The good times are sometimes the times in which I feel the most peculiar.

Incidentally I've not yet gone on my diet.

Fatty is fat.

So I've been reading Shatterpoint by Matthew Stover. Its a Star Wars book about Mace Windu going to his home world of Haruun Kal to save his former Padawan Depa Billaba from the darkside. It is really making me think. Just like Stovers other book did. Its insane how this guy can write a book about Star Wars but make it more than that.

I mean most Star Wars books are just for fun, they aren't like A Separate Peace or The Great Gatsby. They aren't hiding secret themes, they aren't there to make you think about life or yourself.... Matthews books are different. I've been thinking a lot about the kind of person I am. The kind of person I relate to in this book. It isn't always Windu. It is almost never the Jedi.

I relate to the Koruunai. And sometimes the Balawai. And I think.... How terrible does this make me? Depa talks about how bombing Geonosis would have stopped the war, Mace is appalled at her, and me? Well I've said the same thing... multiple times about real life situations. So why does Star Wars make it more real for me? Is it because I'm a third party in all of that? Because only in observing someone else's life I can be empathetic?

In mine it seems I'm a little darker than I'd like to admit. I'm certainly not a Jedi.

It makes me wish that someone would have taken me away as an infant, trained me, changed me, and made me a better person. A person who thinks of innocents, and civilians instead of enemies, and necessary casualties.

I'm just starting to realize that as far as personalities go I'm more of a Mandalorian or something than a Jedi. I have morals. A code even. But I am not entirely good.

It's really a shame. I really wanted to be a Jedi. Maybe this is just a chance for me to change myself. To become a better person. I serve myself too much.

I hope you people actually read this and understood it. I hope you don't think I'm some insane person who actually wants to be a Jedi. Not that being a Jedi wouldn't be the most awesome thing ever....

~Narci

Is it just me or is the movie ' Nick and Noras Infinate play list' just a movie about picking the less awful guy out of a choice where theyre both awful? I mean it's kind of retarded. And it's just everyone in the movie sucking but acting like they don't. Like oh you suck but I'm lonley so lets pretend that we didn't spend the last hour being jerks. I want to say it isn't realistic but it is. Maybe that's what makes it so unsatisfying. Fuck it.

And I don't feel any different.

Everyone gets excited over new starts and blah blah. To be honest this is probably my least favorite holiday. I feel like somehow I should sum up my whole year into one great night. That never really works. I don't like the idea of just changing years all of a sudden. It weirds me out. I look at it and wonder how long it will be until I'm used to the new year. I always feel uncomfortable for a month or so. Like I'm getting used to a new pair of pants.

This end of the year could have went many ways. I suppose I chose the way it ended. I don't know what to think of how I ended it. Maybe I jumped the gun and let my anxiety rob me of the last good thing of 2010. Maybe I chose what was best for me and ended 2010 with peace of mind. Maybe I feel like I left everything unfinished.

I think about my other New Years and count this one lucky.

I'm not cutting myself while my friend sleeps through the new year. I'm not laying on the floor high as a kite wondering where my sister is. I'm not alone, I'm not in jail, and I think that next year has potential. So I guess I shouldn't dislike this holiday so much.

But I still do.

This next semester of school and this next birthday are coming so fast that I can barely fathom it. Then they'll be over. It will be summer. Then fall. And so on.

Where will I be by the summer? Where will I be by next New Years Eve? Will I have a better job? Will I have someone I love? Will I be completely alone? Will I be unemployed? Will I be looking back to right now? Or ahead?

I hate looking back and missing those times that came before. I want to stay in right now so that I can't miss it later. Because I have a feeling that I will.

So I'm in the pool and I'm not drowning but I can't catch my breath. Suddenly I'm looking up at the pool deck thinking about how nice it was when I was dangling my feet in on the edge and didn't have to tread. I'm thinking about how now that I'm in the water I don't feel like a full blown swim. I feel like I'd rather have a little wade. Or maybe wait another hour because I just ate.

Don't get me wrong, I like the pool, swimming is great, but today I don't feel like getting my hair wet.

Too bad I'm already in the fucking pool.

Getting out would be a dick move tbh.

I forgot my floaties guys.

I'm dating Mike. Oooooooh kaaaay. :)